I'll hire me an assassin just to kill time

++My god, longest entry ever. I apologize in advance++

AN UPDATE!! My! Just in time for Ochem homework too!

I love Cadbury chocolate, and pita bread filled with mayonnaise, too, apparently.
I've also been loving the past few days. Today was not cool, class, work, sitting there nodding off while someone mumbles something important and crucial to life as we know it under their breath.

So... let's start from the top .
#1: Getting out of work
Bryan announced to everyone that I was turning 21 and asked if I could get the day off. They said yes. I reckon they said yes to him and not me, because they kept asking if I were going to show up for work on Thursday. Also awesome was the Bryan man taking me to the conference room and stealing sandwiches. Tasted damn good too. Most awesome from-work birthday present, ever.

#2: Getting people to drink
No one else is 21 and Thursday just happened to be the day most people had finals. I somehow convinced Rachel to drive to Santa Cruz to hang out with me, you know, no one else will. We went to Safeway at the stroke of midnight. Palms sweating, hands shaking, I descended down the liquor aisle. Indecisive as hell. A bunch of guys recommended getting the Suntori Midori. That means purple. That's the extent of my Japanese. Ah... sweet liquor. Settled for a case of Heineken and a bottle of Blue Sapphire. It was gross, the gin.
We got shoulder tapped by drunk guy in line behind us trying to use his fake ID.
"Hey! HEY! What's your name." Keep walking/keep walking/phone rings/drop phone/pick up phone.
I started talking on the phone and he caught up with us and started yelling at us to buy him alcohol.
"Look I've really got an ID right here, could you guys go and buy me a case of beer. But you can't buy me what I just tried getting cuz then they'd know. What do you mean? Who bought your stuff for you then? Come on just buy it for me."
Rachel and Rebecca are trying to convince him they're not 21 whilst I stand there looking at them trying to fend them off. I love not looking old. And the drunkie actually had a friend who had a real ID.
Turns out I could have saved $8 if my Club Card had worked. So we went back and got my money back from this scary moustached guy with a mullet and the scary Safeway apron. He looked a bit like Mr. Quattrin, but scary and not as jolly. He asked me which ones were supposed to be discounted and I said, "The gin and the gum."
"Oh, the liquor?"
He was an asshole.
Rachel and I went back to my place and we drank. Mixed the nasty gin with organic orange juice and sparkling citrus water for that extra kick. Had a couple of shots, got thoroughly fucked up, smoked cigarettes and contemplated the future on the porch and walked to the beach after wisely opting out of riding the bikes. Blah blah, came back got sand all over everything, again. Sleep til morning.

#3 Going to San Francisco
The ride to THE CITY was cool enough. Beautiful day, beautifully air conditioned train. Attempted sleeping in it, then a bunch of kids got on and I think one of the bitches threw something at me. I was sleeping, so I just got up and sauntered out all cool with my noisy beer bottles and general awesomeness. Slept til I got near.
San Francisco->Safeway->Powell->Union Square->Hostel->North Beach on the bus whilst yelling out that the guy is eating his boogers->Todai (never again, though I wish I had more of that squid)->Safeway->Popscene->Ali G's front door->Hostel
I can't believe Flammy got hit by a car. I can't believe the way he's handling it. What the fuck is that!? He's making me angry somehow. He's somehow whining about it without actually whining about it, it's really annoying and hard to explain. Flammy is a genius.
I didn't really watch Shout Out Louds. I could only see the girl and I'm not into girls. And they looked like every other band out there, so we went out and eavesdropped and snickered in disgust at the guy talking about linear algebra instead. Cigarettes galore. I'm really getting used to liking that shit. Rocked out to Common People. Oh sweet Jesus, how I love and adore Pulp.

#4 Hostel
Flammy let me out of the car after negotiating how I will call once I'm in the room so he'll know that no one has raped and killed me.
I walked up the stairs and looked at my reflection in glazed over European eyes. Glazed over European eyes everywhere I went. Scampered up the stairs and into my room. Key in Turn. It's already unlocked. Ooooh roommates. Somehow hoped the people were awake and gone somewhere. Saw figure in bed next to mine; something's not right. Ah.. geez there's someone in my bed. "Who's standing in our room?"
"Umm... I think you guys took my bed. You're sleeping in my bed. There was something on the bed, did you move it?"
"I don't fuckin know, go ask the lobby or something."
UGhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHFSDJKLhfnscjklguoiwzsdltshappybirthdaydfhucjkrhtoo late (3am) to argue.
Scamper off to lobby. Explain to guy there's only TWO beds in the room.
Scamper to room with guy to validate lack of bed. Scamper back down with now apologetic guy (European), also now on an adventure for fold-up cot. Fuck. That was a nice bed before. Find bed. Lobby guy can't carry it up by himself because he is uber drunk. Calls for "Mar-teen" (also drunk). Cutest drunk white Italian guy ever. Introduces hisself, tells me he's from Turin/Torino, asks if I know where it is, gets all excited that I knew the Olympics are there blah blah.
Scamper up with the bed.
Felt like something out of an animated European short. Amazing.
Apologetic guy helps me make the bed, pats me on the back and jets. I stick around for a minute. Wanted to go piss but didn't wanna use the sink inside the room so I leave. On the way down I meet a guy named Patty. Patty is drunk, he is holding an unopened Budweiser, he is also from Ireland and doesn't seem to understand that people can tell when your name is Patty and you're a redhead and you're drunk as all fuck, and talking with the thickest Irish accent, that you are Irish. Nice to meet you, Patty.
There's a friendly looking group of drunks sitting around in the dining area, apparently they were stoned, too. I go into the kitchen for my beer and, hey hey hey, what a coinky dink, there are three other people there. I asked if they wanted beers but only if I could join them cuz they look cool.
There's the girl from Boulder, the guy from London, and the guy from Liverpool, introduced in that order. Great kids. Made them go round robin about themselves, apparently they've been doing it for weeks. Fuck me. We seemed like the most sober people around, all these other drunken English people came in and out to bother us with their drunken ways and we just shook our heads and looked down at them like pious Catholic priests from Rome, or something.
The girl, Tawny, suggested she was going to smoke a fag and asked if we'd join her. At first I thought she only did it to go out with the bloke from London, but I didn't think fast enough and said yes I'd love a fag. SABATOGE! The kid from London was cute. Cutest posh accent, ever. Cutest John Cusack circa Say Anything also. We stood outside and talked about Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and accents and how retarded Americans are for speaking as though English is phonetic, blah blah blah. God know what time it was, Mr. Simon from London had to turn in for the night, Tawny followed, leaving Alex and I standing in the alley copping out. Then some guy comes out followed by a familiar looking girl, didn't even look at us. Alex and I looked at each other like WTF.
"I thought she was with that lad from London."
They walked into some shady house across from the hostel, it was uber weird. We felt stupid standing around so we went up the hill, since Mr. Liverpool reasoned that if we go up the hill now it'll be easier to come back down when we're tired. So we did and ended up at Grace Cathedral. He didn't heed my sage advice and walked the Labyrinth anyway. I followed him around making fun of him then we sat and listened to sprinklers, speculated on monsters, spotted a playground and made a beeline for it. There were swing and I felt like a 12 year old. We woke a homeless man up, he looked scary. A diligent dog walker was also retrieving his retriever's re...ctum offerings.
We went back after planning how to mugging these two Asian gay guys.
"You should sleep in my bed."
"Okay."

Happy birthday. You have five friends in the world and you got to sleep with an Englishman. w00t. Go you. Happy Birthday.

I edited the black blob of a picture for Son to see. If you're so inclined, go to my photobucket account: alterity and use the Franz Ferdinand password of yesteryears.