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8 inches from a gay man.

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1st June 2008

12:21am: Call me insane.
I have these crazy notions of abandonment.  It's probably what's made living at home so unbearable. Being home means constantly having to confront it. I've never learned to cope with this; I've never learned to cope with anything. Where does one even begin?  Neither defense nor offense alone can work.  I don't understand honestly.  How does anyone resolve this stuff?

I left home for a week and for one week I was happy and perfectly content staying indoors, not doing anything.  I return home for 9 hours and I am miserable. Here I'm relegated to something like the mutant stepchild who is constantly stepping in poo, barefoot, and tracking it across the white carpet.  Why the hell am I always the one doing something wrong?  Why am I always made to feel that way? What did I do wrong?

There's been a long history of being abandoned by people who purported to love me. I'm not sure what happened along the way.  Everyone tells me I'm naive, selfish, childish, generally retarded for feeling the way I feel. More than anything, I feel that is a direct attack on my person. How dare anyone challenge my already dim feelings.  If anything, I needed to trust and believe in my feelings more.  Who are they to tell me what my feelings are?

I will continue this later.

( 1 toast to verbosity | Expound)

23rd April 2008

10:38pm: Jump to Conclusions!
I have this dumb, unshakable habit of saying something when I shouldn't. Like, "Oh haha, there's your iPhone."  Let me give everyone some advice here. If it's something in someone's back pocket, commenting about it would just lead to awkwardness of an unimaginable magnitude.  A magnitude similar to the person realizing you're looking at their ass while they turned around to make you coffee but make that unimaginable. How embarrassing.  ...for you.
So don't do it, kids!

More advice. Don't get too high in front of sober people you don't know.  You're making a bad impression, especially if you don't really know anyone around.

So Chadderini and I had a talk. We hit the ground running, but things are slowing down now. Things are strange. Two steps forward 5 steps back kind of strange. How we got here so weird, so soon, neither of us are willing to admit, even to ourselves. But OH MY FUCKING GOD THE PORTISHEAD ALBUM FUCKING OWNS!

( 1 toast to verbosity | Expound)

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